All the Wrong Answers

Six years, five different doctors, four surgeries, four miscarriages, numerous ultrasounds, three sonohysterograms, and one MRI later, I finally have some answers. I saw the infertility specialist today, and I finally found out that my funky uterus is a bicollis bicornuate uterus.

Basically, I have two separate uterine cavities that merged together. So, from the outside, things look fairly normal, but the inside of my uterus is really two separate uteri that are divided by normal uterine muscle. I also have two cervices. This is both good and bad... Because it's all healthy tissue, and I don't have a true septum, it's extremely unlikely that my uterus is the cause of all of my first trimester losses. However, my uterus is likely to cause issues, such as early-term labor and breech baby if I'm ever able to carry a baby past the first trimester. 

I know that I should be excited about this news. However, I feel incredibly discouraged. Going into this appointment, the hope was that I was going to have a uterine septum that would be the answer to my losses and that could be removed surgically. I found out instead that my losses are most likely being caused by some sort of genetic disorder - either with me, with my husband, or with the babies themselves. 

At this point, my husband and I are going to begin genetic testing to see if there is something wrong with either one of us. Then, we'll at least know what we're up against. 

From there, the doctor has given us two options: 

1. Keep trying on our own and hope that things eventually turn out differently. She said if a genetic disorder is the reason for my losses, there's a big chance that we will eventually have a healthy pregnancy. There's just a large chance that I may have to go through more losses to get to that point. 

2. Go through IVF with genetic testing. This way, they could be certain that the only embryos being implanted would be genetically-sound, and we would have a better chance at a healthy pregnancy. 

Since IVF is insanely expensive, I think we already know what the option is, and it's disheartening. I want so much to be positive and hopeful that maybe the next time will be different. However, I've been there so many times already... hoping with each positive test that maybe this one will be the one that sticks and then being heartbroken all over again. I honestly don't know how much more of that I can take. 

For now, I guess we wait for the test results to come back, and then we move forward from there. I don't know what the future brings or what we'll eventually decide in this area. All I know right now is that I'm discouraged and disappointed, and my heart hurts.